1. The teacher said,
"Short waves cannot pass around objects. Long waves can."
The class did not understand. The teacher put his hat in front of his face.
"Can you see my face?"
"Can you hear my voice?"
"What does that prove?"
"You are talking through your hat."
(To talk through your hat = to talk nonsense)
2. Scientists wanted to study a meeting between a man and a female gorilla. They found a stupid man and asked him if he would meet a female gorilla for $5,000.
He said yes, but made three conditions.
One, someone with a gun must stay in the cage with them to protect him.
Two, the gorilla must wear lipstick to make her pretty.
Three, he did not want to pay all the money at once, but in three payments.
3. Two friends meet in a bar. One says to the other,
"I understand your wife has abandoned you. You must be very sorry. I suggest you go home and drink a lot of beer to forget your troubles."
"Why not? Do not you have any beer?"
"Yes I have beer. But I have no troubles to forget."
Father is reading Cinderella to his son to send him to sleep.
"Daddy," interrupts the wide-awake youngster, "When the pumpkin changed into a golden carriage, what did Cinderella declare on her tax return - extra income or capital growth?"
A man believed alcohol was very dangerous. He invited people to listen to his reasons. At the end he said,
"Now you understand how dangerous alcohol is - let us all throw our alcohol into the sea."
Silence. One man applauded loudly.
"You agree with me?" asked the speaker.
"Of course. I am a beach-comber. I collect everything that comes from the sea."
A teacher was giving a lesson on good manners.
"Suppose, by mistake, you step on a lady's foot. What do you do?"
"I say 'Pardon me'."
"Very good. Now suppose the lady, to reward you, gives you a coin. What do you do?"
"Step on the other foot to get a second one."
A man returned home early to find his son frightened.
"Daddy, there's a monster in your bedroom. He's hidden in mummy's wardrobe."
Puzzled, the man went upstairs. His wife was in bed. When the husband opened the wardrobe door he found his oldest friend inside.
"You've been my friend for twenty years," complained the husband angrily. "But now you frighten my little boy."
In class, the teacher said,
"I shall write a sentence on the blackboard. Find the error."
She wrote, "I did not have very happy holidays."
"What is the mistake Henry?"
Henry thought. "Perhaps you needed a boyfriend."
9.An American teacher told his class how Christopher Columbus had discovered America.
"He was very brave. He took a risk. Without him, there would be no United States today."
All the children looked impressed except one.
"Don't you think Columbus was a hero?"
"I am an Indian."